"Come On Tim"

Wimbledon is upon us again and SW19 is steadily filling up with those tireless "Henmaniacs", who this year are bleating and pouting because they can't wear their silly huge floppy Union Jack hats when they cheer on their hero, Tim Henman ("You Can Do It Tim") because security say that they could hide "concealed weapons".

I read a great column in the paper that described "Henmaniacs" as "Football hooligans for the upper class". With their tennis ball earrings, their matching Tim T-shirts and their painted faces, these fans (mostly women) irritate the shit out of me. Sitting there with their strawberries, their constant cries of "Come on Tim, come ON Tim, COME ON HENMAN" after each volley must drive the poor lad crackers. I think security have just invented the "weapons" excuse to dry to deter Henmaniacs from turning up at all. Unfortunately they've not been successful. Or maybe they're preventing people like me sneaking a water cannon in under my floppy felt hat and drenching the lot of them with rancid cranberry juice.....

Tim ("You Can Do It Tim") must dread Wimbledon every year, and is probably praying for another British Wunderkid to turn up and take the heat off his butt. People don't seem to realise that Tim is a GOOD player, but not an OUTSTANDING player - he's pretty average really. But the media pump up the pressure every year and the Henmaniacs appear with their screeching, and poor old Timmy tries his best but never quite makes it. Then he has to face a deflated media who once again bemoan the fact that Tim "Didn't quite do it", and snicker at the fact that all he seems to be able to do is get his wife pregnant.

A Brit hasn't won Wimbledon since the late seventies. Give Timmy a break, stop screeching at every chance, take the pressure off and maybe one year he will get lucky and "do it".

Meanwhile, get your fat kid off the couch, away from the Playstation and into a tennis club and maybe he will inherit this blessed following of "Maniacs" one day.