Been back in the UK for 5 days now, and it's shit. I hate having my life dictated to me by the ticking of a clock again, I hate having to rush cos there's no time left, or to be frustrated cos work is crap and I'm clock watching, only the clock isn't moving. I found myself rushing in my lunch hour today as I had so many errands to run, then I stopped myself and thought why should I rush, whatever I need to get can wait, I'll go another time. I'm through getting so stressed and worked up about needless meaningless crap. So I slowed down and ambled, and felt a lot better.
The streets of Norwich teemed with people, people with shiny new carrier bags full of crap - crap they don't really need but have convinced themselves that they really want, must have, else they will shrivel up. In a few weeks or months those same treasured posessions will doubtless be in a landfill or in a charity shop. Stressed mums dragged their kids in and out of McDonalds, satisfying their every whim just to get 5 minute of peace, before the sugary chemical milkshake kicked in and off they went again. Tubby teens were out in force, eating their crisps and ice lollies, yet still yearning for the body of a supermodel.
Everyone was preoccupied, everyone else was clock-watching, everyone was in a rush. But occasionally you spot people who look different, they walk different, their eyes are different, the way they watch the other teeming masses; it's as if they - like me - are the ones who have woken up, who have realised what the life they used to lead was, and now want nothing more to do with it.
Like in "The Matrix", when you take the right pill and you wake up...WAKE UP, and it hits you that your entire life was a farce, you followed the masses, you did what they did and what they expected you to do, and it all turned out to be a bunch of crap. Your eyes are opened and what you now see is ugly and has to be changed, and it's up to you to fight and change it, make it better, make it what YOU want it to be, not what the tainted, biased and controlled Governments and media want it to be, not what the crappy "fashion" and "lifestyle" mags want it to be, not what your friends and family expect it to be.
I'm through buying meaningless crap so the money will be used for better things, things that get me away from this grimy city life and help me to escape and get some peace. I'm going through my entire flat and gutting it of junk - only the most sentimental things will remain, everything else is going on Freecycle for other people who want it to use. I've kept things in boxes for over 4 years now, and never used them - why? What's the fucking point of that? They are going, it's all going. First clean out the flat, then start on my life.
Ten days in Dahab made me realise that I want more freedom, a simpler life, less shit to worry about, and to be as far away as possible from this modern life and the way we all live it.