Osama who?

It seems that America has forgotten who Bin Laden is, and still doesn't seem to care WHERE he is.

First they threw the blame at him for 9/11, then they flooded the media with shots of him in his cave, extolling his evilness and how he was going to nuke the world from his little bunker. According to Bush Arch-Nemesis Michael Moore, they then sneakily flew all his relatives out of the country to safety, stayed very hush-hush about the Bin Laden family's involvement with the highest echelons of American Government, and decided to blame Saddam Hussein for 9/11.

Bush declared on 17 September 2001 that bin Laden was ‘Wanted: Dead or Alive’. But on 6 April 2002, General Richard Myers, chairman of the US Joint Chiefs of Staff said ‘The goal has never been to get bin Laden’. The US media networks also promptly stopped mentioning him, and stopped asking where he is and why there was such a massive U-turn by the President. AND NOBODY ELSE IN AMERICA SEEMED TO QUESTION THIS EITHER.

Whether he is to blame or not here is not the issues, but the fact that the American people don't seem to care where he is, after he was painted as the biggest threat to the US ever?? What's wrong with these people! How can they just forget what was initially said about Bin Laden? Isn't there a higher power in Congress that can force Bush to answer these questions, can anyone make him stand up and explain WHY the Bin Laden family were flown out of the US without being detained and questioned about 9/11?

Also, has any hard evidence surfaced to say that Saddam was responsible for the 9/11 attacks? What about the WMD? Why do we always blindly lie down and accept huge bodges like this, from the people that are running our lives? It seems that as long as the Bin Ladens are still in bed with the Bush family, and financing half of the American economy, that they are going to be safe for a long while yet.

It makes me laugh that poor old Clinton was impeached and dragged thru hell and high water because he likes stuffing cigars up intern's orifices....yet an offence 1000 times more heinous has obviously been committed by Bush (one of several offences) and nobody is saying a THING.

Ahhh mums of today

Cycling to work today I passed the junior school and my ears were assaulted by a lovely, caring mum slamming the door of her car and shouting at her little toddler "You're facking pissing me off now, stop facking lying to me" *SLAM* and other such mother-like conversations. The little kid weas protesting weakly about whaver he had done, but Mum of the Year didn't care, and carried on "Facking" for all to hear.

This was near the Lollipop Lady and dozens of other parents, who all pretended not to hear, and smiled politely. I was on the verge of saying "You really should't talk like that in front of your child", as I sat waiting for the kids to cross the road - but considering I have to cycle past these people every morning, I didn't fancy being run over by her the following day.

I wish someone had told her off and made her realise just what she was doing to her kid. The poor thing will now spend the day at school unsettled and upset, and worried whether or not mummy will still be mad at him when she picks him up tonight.

By all means, tell your child off, but use appropriate language and don't bawl at him for the world to see.

What's wrong with these statistics:

• Swindler Derek Hersey, 66, is suing the Home Office for nearly £300,000 after claiming the bed in his cell at Camp Hill Prison on the Isle of Wight was too hard.
• Fraudster Michael Ashton, 50, has launched a damages claim after saying he got too sweaty in a prison van.
• Junkie Philip Gorman, 39, sued prison chiefs after cutting his thumb on a bed during refurbishment work at Perth Prison in 1996.
• A prisoner in an American jail sued for mental distress after ice cream that a guard had served him had melted.
  

Now read these statistics:

• Sara Payne got just £11,000 after her little daughter Sarah, seven, was murdered.
• Nursery nurse Lisa Potts, who saved kids from a machete nut, was awarded £49,000.
• Francesca Quintyne, eight, had to appeal to get £23,000 for injuries in the same attack.
  

An article in The Sun newspaper a while ago told of a career criminal who is sueing the prison service for £248,000 after he slipped in the shower whilst in prison. And he has a good chance of winning too. Yet people whos families are murder victims are awarded peanuts. I ask again WHAT IS WRONG WITH OUR "JUSTICE" SYSTEM!!!! It seems that it exists to benefit the twisted, evil and crooked scum of the earth, and not the innocent genuine victims of crimes.

Now I'm not a great fan of today's compensation culture but I think that if anyone deserves compensation it is people whose families have been brutally murdered, or someone who has survived an attempted murder or a horrendous physical attack. NOT THE SCUM THAT PERFORM THE CRIMES!!!

Criminals should lose ALL THEIR RIGHTS once they are convicted, and certainly should not be allowed to sue for ridiculous claims such as getting sweaty in a prison van. For f**ks sake somebody sort it out!!!! What is the point in being a normal citizen nowadays, I may as well turn into a heroin dealing skank and I'd probably end up a millionaire in less than a year from various compensation claims, benefits, oh and probably a lottery win too.

Vegetables!

I am so fed up of seeing TV adverts for low fat food, slimmers-this, low calorie-that, carb options-this.....foods usually pumped with chemicals and artificial ingredients I won't even begin to try to spell. NOBODY EVER ADVERTISES GOOD OLD FRESH FRUIT AND VEGETABLES! Why is this? They are the BEST things you can eat if you DO want to be healthier and lose a few pounds. The Government pontificates about healthy eating and obese kids and heart disease and the strain on the NHS, yet they continue to ignore the two simplest food groups that can solve all of the aforementioned problems.

Is there some sort of Governing Body of fruit and veg that we can all lobby to promote them a bit more? Are there any organisations out there that have any power to lobby the Govt to force more public advertising of veg, and LESS advertising of chemical crap? After a trip to Google all I could find was the Food Standards Agency's page, trying to make veggies look cool for kids.

Can the FSA advertise on TV? Do they want to? Are they bothered? The only thing they've done is trumpet this "five portions a day" thing - but everyone I've spoken to is lost at this whole "portions" thing. What's that then? Could they MAKE it any more complex? Why not just say "a decent plateful of veggies every day".

Or maybe the companies that peddle the so called "healthy" convenience foods have a bit more profit to throw at Blair, ensuring that they remain top dog in the crusade for healthy eating. I'm sure they would hate to see their profits dip because more people were buying CHEAPER fresh veggies, or growing their own and saving even more money!

I'm aghast again to see that basic common sense seems lost on so many people. You want to eat healthier, cut out fat/cholesterol/whatever, so you go to the supermarket and browse the shelves....now let's see - a ready made pasta snack containing powdered God-knows-what, preservative, colours, and a claim that it is calorie-free, or a whole department of vitamin-rich sweet potatoes, broccoli, avocados, savoy cabbage and much more, all natural, all non-chemical, full flavoured and yummy to eat? Nahh let's go for the boil-in-the-bag crap, even though it is twice the price of the veg!

If I put bottles of unprounceable-name chemical preservatives, sweetners, and flavourings in front of you and said "drink these please" you'd probably all wrinkle your noses and go "ewww no way!" but that's what you DO eat every day!

Would you like this seat ma'am?

I perused an interesting thread on Handbag.com's chat forum today, about people not giving up their seats on crowded buses or trains. Initially it started off as a discussion about pregnant women not being given a seat, but then took a turn towards people offering their seats in general.

Some people posted to say that their mums had got offended when a man had offered them his seat. They took it as an insult that this man had thought they looked "old" enough to offer a seat too - errrrr excuse me? Men offer me seats on buses but I don't get all huffy at them and scream "do I look like a pensioner???" in their faces! It's simply manners, that's all. Either accept the seat or politely decline, don't throw a strop!

I for one am glad to see acts of chivalry still being performed in this coldhearted day and age of "Girl Power" and equality and other such crap. I truly feel sorry for men nowadays, the little dears don't know how to act with women - do they hold open the door, or do they not bother?

My mate Andy once said "If women want equality then do we show them consideration anymore, or do we just treat 'em like one of the lads?" He remembered holding a door open for a woman once, and she walked through it without a sideways glance at him or a thank you. He called after her "you're welcome" and she still ignored him. He then resolved to not bother the next time.

Other times women have looked at him as if to say "do you think I'm too feeble to hold it open?" I mean, SORT IT OUT GIRLS!!! Let them be gentlemen, say thank you, be grateful they have noticed you and are considering you! It's not a question of equality in my eyes, it's just manners, plain and simple manners. So if a man offers you a seat on the bus, just take it and be pleasant about it. As my other friend Greg says: "The good manners of a gentleman can only be appreciated by a lady".

Activa-Hydro-Liposome-Fructin-WHAT????

Moisturisers - you'd think it would be simple enough to walk into Boots and buy a moisturiser for your face. But no! We are being bombarded with science now to such an extent that I can spend most of my lunch hour staring at various pots and bottles of cream and trying to figure out which one is the best.

It's no longer just "face cream" or plain old moisturiser. Now we have herbal, aromatherapy, vitamin, natural, fruit, organic, or active moisturisers that promise to "hydrate" or "refine pores" or "smooth away fine lines" and other such hollow promises. Don't be fooled!!!!

The worst offender is the current TV advert for a certain Nameless Moisturiser which features ex-Neighbours turned pop star Natalie Imbruglia - she who has such perfect skin it will never NEED mosturising! You want to slap her the minute she appears on screen, or make her eat lots of Pot Noodles so she will get a nice juicy zit on her chin. "I'm 27, I want young-looking skin" she says as the advert begins - WHAT! Give me a break! You're only 27!

The advert continues with such awe-inspiring statements as "Day 1 - my skin feels smoother and softer" "Day 5 - My pores are refined" (someone explain to me exactly what this means??) "Day 8 - fine lines and wrinkles are smoothed away".

How can they get away with making these claims? Surely if a moisturiser was that good at smoothing skin and seemingly regenerating it so well that fine lines and wrinkles simply disappear, why aren't hospitals and surgeons using it to help heal wounds? There is no way that putting a cream on your face can make is softer and smoother in a day - exfoilation maybe, but NOT a blinking moisturiser! As for refined pores, well - err - a skin pore is a skin pore, surely nothing you put on it can make it change structure?

Also, what's with the "De-crinkling" lark...

Some face creams now cost more per ounce than GOLD. We need to get a grip back on reality!!! It all just boils down to a fancy mix of oil and water after all. It's inevitable - you can't stop Mother Nature and when she wants you to have a wrinkle - no force in Boots can stop her! But despite my skepticism, I STILL spend 40 minutes staring at those endless shelves of plastic tubs, a small part of me hoping that one of them will give me peach-perfect skin like Natalie Imbruglia's. *sob*

If you want good skin then start early - don't smoke, don't fry yourself in the sun, and eat GOOD FOOD - that's all you need!

"Oh I'll keep going to work I will......"

58 year old cabbie Bob Frazer scooped a whopping £14million on the lottery this week, and on returning from a round the world jaunt he announced he would not be selling his 3-bedroomed ex council house semi, and would keep living in it for the foreseeable future.

I hate these people!!!! Why do you play the lottery!!!! Why do you bother, you imbeciles!!!!! If you win £14million you darn well ENJOY IT!!!!! Time after time I read about Mavis the cleaner who wins £4million and tells us she's not giving up her cleaning job/still shopping for loo roll at Poundland/not selling her Skoda/giving all the money to her garden gnome. Then that ghastly yob who scooped millions and told us that he wasn't going to spend £50 on a sweatshirt cos it was "too much money".

I wonder what psychological impact winning the lottery has on people - maybe they go into some sort of stupor where they think that £14million will run out in a few years so they'd better sit on it for a rainy day, or keep their job just in case? Or are they desperately trying to cling onto their old life, not willing to move up into the ranks of the super-rich?

My message to Bob is "If you don't want to spend all it give some of it to ME and I'll darn well enjoy it!" If you aint gonna spend it then DON'T BOTHER playing you idiots. Let's see now...Lotus Elise, Ferarri, house in Australia, jetski, my own personal Spitfire, Keanu Reeves as a house slave......ahhhh I'll keep dreaming.

Scared to speak up?

I went to my Body Pump class the other night at the gym (no, not some pervy exercise, it's upper body weights workout to music!) and once again we had a room full of regulars who were scared to make a sound. I really felt for poor old Andy* the instructor as he did his usual "Good evening everyone how are we tonight?", and received a stony silence in reply. During the next hour of tricep, bicep, thighcep and everything elsecep workouts, I watched what little enthusiasm he had at the beginning of the class seep visibly out from his pores. Somebody throw him a bone! I was willing him to announce that for the next thigh exercise he was going to strip off, paint himself yellow, and do squats to "Waltzing Matilda" just to see if the girls in the front row would crack their faces......

We have the same instructors in rotation, and they all try to be friendly and enthusiastic, but in the face of having constant stony silences whenever they try to elicit a response, they just give up. There's only so long you can try for! I mean, it would be understandable if there were different people in the classes each week but they are ALL solid regulars...they should all know eachother's kids names and family ancestry by now! And they sure as hell know the instructors, so why don't they be polite and civil to them, or at least respond when greeted or asked a question! It makes life easier and more fun for them, they enjoy the class more and that spreads out to us, and WE enjoy the class more.

As usual, my attempts at small talk with some of the girls in the class just resulted in a false laugh, no proper response, then a hasty exit. Why is it that if you pipe up and try to chat to people, they think you either a) fancy them, b) are pissed, or c) are a bit not right in the head to want to talk to a stranger. The guys can be worse too (usually because their girlfriends are in the same class though, hahaha)

Roll on next Thursday....er, I think. Altogether now "How are we tonight??"

* Name changed to protect the innocent!

Customer Service, what's that then??

Is it just me that is noticing that our shops are being taken over by teenagers? Teenage shop assistants with the customer service skills of a corpse are the new disease polluting retail, particularly female clothing outlets.

I went into a well-known clothing shop and bought a pair of trousers today. Approaching the counter I saw the usual pre-pubescent girl staring vacantly into space whilst fiddling with her bellybutton ring and no doubt thinking about Dave who has the nice red Nova. Her puppyfat hips were bursting out of her too-small hipsters, her fingers were encrusted with Sovereign rings, and her brunette hair was streaked with a myriad of colours that made it look like her baby brother had spilt poster paint over her head.

I look her in the eye. "Hello!" I say, and a smile. She avoids eye contact, says nothing, and takes the trousers, folding them like a robot whilst swiping my card. She hands me the slip to sign, all the while looking over my shoulder, then keeps gazing past me as I sign.

On receiving my bag I say "Thank You" and again, no response. I resist the urge to scream at her "Thank you for your WONDERFUL customer service, I've just helped pay your wages you jumped-up bag of hormones - at least LOOK ME IN THE F*CKING EYE!"

Unfortunately I'm not a brash enough person to say something like that, nor am I confident enough to try to make small talk with them...especially the sulky ones. The one time I did try the girl smiled a terrified smile, laughed for no reason, and packed my bag up in double time so she could get rid of me. I don't look that bloody scary!

It's so depressing to go into shop after shop after shop and be greeted by this same attitude and crap level of service...even spending huge amounts of dosh on expensive clothes, you are greeted with the same response. Why don't shop managers notice this? Is there ANY customer service training for retail assistants at all in this country? It's got to the point now that if an assistant is polite and chatty to me, I am momentarily stunned and amazed. The chatty ones are usually older people, who obviously know how to talk.

Kids these days can't communicate (except with their mates and Dave who has the nice red Nova). Stick a stranger in front of them and they turn into monosyllabic scared rabbits who are terrified of opening their mouths for fear of being ignored and receiving no reply, or just simply don't know the art of smalltalk. They eye you suspiciously as if you are a drunk or a weirdo - if you want to talk to a stranger then you MUST have a few wires loose, right??? ER no......

Some customers don't like to chat to assistants which is fair enough - their choice. But all assistants should make the effort to be friendly and welcoming, it really can make someone's day and inspire loyalty amongst customers.

I've visited Western Australia 3 times now and each time I am amazed at the friendliness of the shop assistants, and yes that includes young girls too. Smile. Eye contact. "Hi how's it going?" "Have you had a good day?" - it's great, and really encourages you to spend in that same shop again. It costs nothing but is worth ££££££. Shop Managers take note!

Who ate all the pies?

Worried doctors and Government ministers are not bleating over the state of our kids - they are all too fat! Fed on convenience foods and allowed to sit in front of the telly or the Playstation all night, they are ticking timebombs and a future burden on our already overstretched NHS.

I laughed my socks off when I read an article in the paper about this, and when the parents were asked what they could do about little Tommy's ever-spreading girth, they just said that "there was too much junk food advertising on the telly". Then the article details the story of poor old Samantha, who weighed 9 stone at the age of 8, and munched her way through 5 packets of crisps a day. She also loved McDonalds, hated sports, and had pizza and chips for tea most nights.

All I can say is "excuse me, Samantha's mum? ARE YOU BLIND AND STUPID? Do you not notice your eight year old is huge? Do you not think to serve her vegetables and decent non-fatty/sugary food? Do you not ever say "no" when she asks to go to McDonalds?" Yes, there IS too much junk food advertised on the telly, and it's all aimed at the "pester power" of kids. But you can't blame the telly for turning your child into a blimp!!! SAY NO! Don't buy the crap that is advertised! Don't take them to KFC! Don't feed them sugary crap for breakfast! Cook a decent meal with fresh veg instead of shoving something in the microwave! Encourage your child to exercise, go on bike rides with them, get them to sign up for some form of sports club??? Confiscate the Playstation and cut the plug off the telly!

Their entire future and the future of our NHS hangs in your ability to feed them carefully and correctly. In the next 50 years we won't be able to afford to support all the obesity-related problems that your microwave meals and McDonalds are causing. Now go and buy some broccolli!

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?

On Saturday I was in my kitchen and a car pulled up outside with a family of three in it. Dad got out to go to the shops and mum sat there with her fat spaniel on her lap, and son with his Liverpool shirt in the back seat. As I watched, she wound down the window and son threw out a handful of litter. The fact that his mother didn't tell him off for doing this was amazing. I stomped outside (in my dressing gown, hair in a towel), picked up their litter and gave it back to them with a polite "do you mind not littering outside our flat please?" "oh sorry" she mumbled as she took back her litter (at least she looked me in the bloody eye). I went back in and dad came back from the shops, started the car, and as they drove off she threw the litter out again and they all laughed.

IS IT ANY WONDER I WANT TO GET OUT OF THIS COUNTRY. It may only seem to a small incident to you lot, but to me it sums up the attitude of Britain today - ignorance, disregard, lack of respect, and general "don't give a stuff". It's very saddening :-( If I had it within my power I'd have followed them back to their house and dumped a skip full of CRAP right on their lawn......

You've Been Stupid not Framed!!!

I watched "You've Been Framed" a while back and marvelled once again at the sheer stupidity of the human race. We have been to the moon! We have split the atom! We can do keyhole surgery! Yet why do we, as adults, still insist on:

1. Riding our kiddies toy bikes and cars then wondering why they break under our weight
2. Going on kiddies swings and ditto the above
3. Stepping onto a boat with one foot only on the very edge of the boat
4. Trying to ride bikes down very steep hills
5. Sliding along wet plastic in our gardens then wondering why we always go flying into the bushes
6. Doing stupid drunken dancing at weddings on slippy floors
7. Trying to copy the famous Dirty Dancing scene where Patrick Swayze lifts up the girl over his head, during said drunken wedding dancing scenes
8. Sticking our face really close to tropical animals then wondering why we get spat on/licked/bitten by them

The list goes on...........

You've Been Framed has followed the same format for years now - Fat or old people or kiddies falling over, and that's IT. Silly adults playing with things they are too big for, or silly adults just demonstrating their stupidity at the highest levels. Tonight there was a (fat) woman bouncing on a kids pogo stick ON A LAMINATE FLOOR - oh, and what a surprise! The pogo stick slipped and she fell over. Dur! Then the two men who set up a ladder on the curved surface of an empty swimming pool, and they wondered why the ladder slid down the pool and flattened them both...........then there's big old Auntie Doris trying to sit on little Janie's baby chair, and ooh it collapses and falls into the nearby swimming pool! FFS!!!!!!!

This used to be funny but now it's the kind of "GET IT OFF AND FIND SOMETHING NEW" entertainment. Either that or just rename it to "Stupid People Falling Over"???.